He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
