How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
