He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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