Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize