Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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