Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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