She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
