shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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