Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
