What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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