Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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