You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
