rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
