We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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