I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
