Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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