Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
