He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize