Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
