covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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