I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
