Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
