May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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