I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
