You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this just has baby written all over it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
