oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
