every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
