hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
