I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
