I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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