"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
