So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
