dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
