so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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