I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
