im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize