Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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