i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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