The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
