Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
