cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
