you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
