Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
