one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
