woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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