Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I smell like Dick and happiness
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
