I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
