After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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