I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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