the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's great music for shaving your balls
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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