For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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