Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
