Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
