I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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