Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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