Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
