I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
