remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
