we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
