I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My liver just had a heart attack.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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