Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
