I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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