who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
