If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
