We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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