is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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