Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
