I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
