He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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