Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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