It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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